Worst Day Ever

Well I am writing this from Maddie's hospital room, listening to her cry because she wants to be home without IVs and cords attached to her. Hopefully we can go home in the morning.

So, what happened was that Maddie started running a fever last night and was up every two hours all night long. This morning she woke up with no fever, to which Brad and I were very happy that she was feeling better. However, that didn't last long and it started to climb. I decided to take her to the doctor since I just didn't know what was going on with her and better safe than sorry, right? Once we got to the doctor, Maddie's fever was already 102. The doctor examed her and decided that it was just a viral infection, but wanted to test for strep, just in case. While I was sitting in the room waiting for the results, Maddie started to seize. I ran out of the room with a seizing baby, yelling for help. Both the doctor and nurse came to my aid. It was just awful, watching my sweet little baby convulse and turn blue. It was probably the scariest thing that I have been thru since becoming a mom. I have been traumatized by seeing her in that condition, my little baby so full of life lying on the table listless and foaming at the mouth. I just couldn't do anything to help her, just rub her legs telling her that she was going to be okay. It makes you feel like a failure as a mom when you can't help your little one.

Nobody knows how high her fever got, but after tylenol suppositories and an hour later her fever was 102, again. Her fever never came back today, but you never know when it will rise again. They call these seizures, febrile seizures and only can occur when there is a sudden spike or fall of a fever. We have to just try to keep her medicated when she has a fever. It will probably happen again, there just isn't a way to tell when it is about to happen. There also isn't anything we can do, just try to keep her safe so she doesn't hit her head or fall.

I really thought that I was going to lose my baby today, so those who have kids please please please hold them close because you will never know when they will slip thru your fingers. Brad and I are so grateful that we still have Maddie to hold, she is such a source of joy for us!